Let Me Go
by Samlie
Summary: "I'm still kinda in love with you," he blurted out before he could stop himself. He just couldn't keep it to himself anymore.


**This is what happens when you're dragged to a party where you know no one. I sat in a corner and typed out ideas for fanfics on my phone the entire time ehehe.**

 **And here's one of the ideas that I chose to work on! Honestly, I was half awake typing the first half of this. I thought it was going pretty well until I started the second half today. :/ This was tragic really, argh. I just had to get this off my chest though.**

 **I don't own anything. Enjoy!**

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Ah, graduation.

It was the time when the buzz started going, both sad and happy. Everyone was constantly switching between laughing until their stomachs hurt or bawling their eyes out. There was no in between.

Even with all the fancy decorations, the chairs all set up; everyone was nervous. Pretty soon, everyone will be off on their own paths as independent individuals. Even if someone chose not to keep getting educated, they were sent off with a big farewell just as the rest of the seniors.

It basically meant they were fucking graduating.

Everyone was all dressed in their fancy graduation gowns, their tuxes and dresses tucked underneath for the after party to come.

All the parents were already seated at the back, obviously. And the seniors? Well, they were fussing over one another. The girls waving their hands frantically over their hair; the guys laughing at each other wearing gowns.

Soon all the graduates were ushered to sit down into their seats; alphabetically of course. Everyone made their way down the rows of plastic pull-out chairs, being extra careful not to trip and ruin the perfect row it created. The juniors were oh _so_ generous to _volunteer_ to set up the chairs for everyone.

Austin was sandwiched between two other people who he only had one class with in his entire life. He smiled politely at the two before turning his attention to the stage. The ceremony will start shortly they said.

Austin sighed, rubbing his sweaty hands on his gown. He wasn't sure why he was nervous. Maybe because it was the fact that he was graduating. Or maybe it was that his best friend was valedictorian and he was scared she might mess up her speech. Or maybe, just maybe, he was afraid of what came after graduation.

He was going to go to some state college in Miami, a few minutes' drive from where he lived in fact. It wasn't anything big or fancy. He wasn't that smart. Living so close to home, it might even feel like nothing's changed at all.

But he knew that wasn't the case.

In fact, he knew exactly why he was sweating so much. It might have been because it was blazing hot in Miami and he was wearing a gown over a suit, but he knew better. He was nervous for the future, a little scared of it too.

He was, after all, supposed to be there when Ally flew out to New York for MUNY the second the graduation buzz died down. She was supposed to go meet an aunt or uncle there who would help her into her next four years of being in New York.

All she could talk about was New York for the past two weeks. NYC this NYC that. He was happy to see her so happy, since as the current day approached she began to stress out. Valedictorian shit.

And it wasn't like he _wasn't_ going to miss her or anything, no. He was gonna miss her oodles; a hell lot. It was just that... well...

Here's the thing... He's still kinda in love with her.

They dated, of course. They were best friends, everyone expected it. But, it broke his heart when she told him maybe it would be best if they just stayed friends. Because loving someone could get in the way of being friends. And she didn't want to ruin their goddamn friendship.

Bullshit.

But of course, he could only nod his head and agree respectfully. He didn't want to ruin their friendship either. It meant the goddamn world to him. Austin remembered searching her eyes and seeing something more in there, but he didn't push it.

He's still in love with her.

It wasn't like he ever stopped.

Graduation went by like a blur. He could only remember hearing Ally's speech, watching her get her diploma and getting the diploma himself. His head swarmed with thoughts.

And when everyone did that cheesy thing where they threw their caps into the air and screamed while someone took the perfect photo, he almost missed the entire thing. Austin fumbled to take the cap off his head and flung it into the air. He'd have to admit, a smile made its way to his face.

They just fucking graduated.

The after party that night was an absolute blast. The seniors had all chipped in to rent a club for the night. He found Dez, Trish and Ally in the crowd and had the most amazing time with them. The dance floor was never once empty. He was going to miss seeing the faces of his friends and his classmates. Although, he was a little relived that they were finally all on their own.

He'd have to admit, drinking that night was probably not one of his best ideas. But, it gave him a sense of relaxation that he hadn't felt in a while. Although the cheap bear tasted awfully bland.

"Let's dance!" He called over to his right as he stood up from the plastic chair he was sitting on. He grabbed the first hand he found which— surprise surprise— was Ally's.

"Austin!" His best friend gasped. She stumbled a little in her high shoes. She collided with his chest, squeaking a little as he kept pulling her along to the dance floor. Her hand was warm. "I don't dance."

"Shut up. I wanna see Ally Dawson dance in a club before I'm twenty!" He called back to her. Austin smirked a little, liking how he replied to her innocent little fact. He pushed past some people as they made their way into the centre of the crowd.

"You're drunk."

"I've been told."

They made it to the middle of the crowd and began to dance. Ally was hesitant at first, just glancing around, making sure no one could see her. Austin on the other hand was breaking out some of his best moves to may or may not impress his best friend who has already seen every single one of his impressive tricks.

"C'mon Ally! Live a little!" He smiled when she began to loosen up. Ally started moving along to the beat that was playing, side stepping now and then. He would be lying if he said he wasn't fucking mesmerized by her movements.

Her body flowed effortlessly along to the music that was going quieter and quieter in the background. Maybe it was just him but the light was hitting her perfectly. Her brown hair bounced on and off her bare shoulders lightly, the ends of her hair looking as soft as ever. The small smile on her lips didn't help the fact that she was leaving in less than a week for a state a thousand miles away.

His heart ached.

"Quit staring, Austin!" Ally laughed. Austin blushed beet red before joining her on the dance floor. They grooved along to the song before Dez and Trish joined them. The fearsome foursome laughed.

Everything was slow fading into the background as if it were a movie. Thoughts swarmed in his head as he heard Ally and Trish laugh to some joke Dez said.

Austin smirked as he got an idea.

He slowly shuffled his way behind Ally. When he was near enough to feel the heat radiating from her body he wrapped both his big arms around her midsection. She froze. Austin felt the urge to bury his face into the crook of her pale neck. His head stayed lightly on her hair before she spun around and smacked his chest playfully.

"Stop it," Ally whined, her breath light on his face. She was blushing, covering her face with her hands. Austin smiled at her keeping his arms firm around her.

"I wanted to say how proud I am of you," he said truthfully searching her eyes. His heart hammered in his chest, her hand returning on his chest and right over his heart. Ally laughed a little slowly putting her arms around his neck and hugging him. He sighed, falling into the routine of smiling into her shoulder.

They continued to dance as a new upbeat song played but Austin was suddenly plagued by his thoughts. It didn't help that sometimes Ally's arm brushed his, the scent of her hair logged in his brain. Everything was suddenly so surreal.

He was going to miss her so much.

Suddenly, the song stopped. Everyone on the dance floor gradually slowed their dancing down. He probably looked like an idiot, standing still in the middle of it all. A slow song replaced the fast, upbeat tune that was playing only seconds before.

Apparently, someone thought it was a good idea to start paring up and slow dancing, as the song was appropriate for the occasion. He started seeing people get into pairs; some sliding into the dancing position easily, staring into each other's eyes. Other's awkwardly holding each other, blushing bright red.

Austin felt awfully out of place as the couples shifted around his still form. He was about to get off the dance floor when he felt a small hand slide into his. "Dance with me?" Ally asked.

Austin smiled. "Always."

It felt wrong. Holding his best friend so close to his heart yet knowing she was so far away at the same time. He couldn't tear his eyes away from hers for a fear that she might just disappear from his grasp, flowing through his fingers like water.

"You've been quiet tonight," she told him after a little while of swaying back and forth. One of her small hands was placed firm in his grasp, the other strategically placed by his shoulder near his neck. She could grab his hair and pull him in for a goddamn kiss with that hand.

"I've been thinking," he replied truthfully. His heart was on his sleeve with Ally. He could never hide anything from her. "We just graduated."

"We did," Ally confirmed for him. A small smile danced on her pink lips. He wondered if they were still as soft as the last time he kissed her. God, it was so long ago.

"Everything seems so unreal. It's like, weren't we just freshman?" Austin asked. Maybe the alcohol was playing apart in his thoughts, jumbling them up. He wasn't sure. He needed answers to these things though.

Ally giggled a little. He wasn't sure what was so funny. "Time flies when you're having fun, Austin."

"And you're going to New York on Friday— god that's only four days away," he sighed. Ally looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Finally glad to get rid of me huh?" She teased lightly. Austin frowned at her before realizing what she had said. He shook his head; maybe a little too hard.

"No, no, no!" He replied, slowing down a little. "It's just, I'm going to miss you a lot. And you're only coming home for the holidays. And what am I going to do the entire summer while you're in New York? And—"

"Woah, slow down. I haven't even left yet and already you're babbling like I'm already in another state." Ally laughed a little. She wasn't getting it. Austin's eyes shifted to her lips.

"It's just, I don't know," he mumbled. Austin sighed. She was leaving. Her feelings were going to change. Soon, it would be reduced to talking everyday to talking once a month. They were going to grow apart. "We're both going to change."

"For the better, obviously." Ally shifted her fingers in his hands. He sighed.

"No I mean, we're going to grow apart."

"Austin, we're best friends. I promise we'll talk every single day." He had a feeling Ally was growing uncomfortable from his little rant.

If only one of his biggest fears wasn't so achievable. "I..." He lowered his voice into nothing more than a whisper. "I'm scared you're going to find someone better than me," he confessed. There, it was out in the open now. Ally looked at him with an expression he couldn't identify.

"Austin," she breathed. He realized that they were awfully closer from where they began. He could feel her breath on his lips. His head was probably hovering over her as well. It was a respectable amount of space away; but still. Maybe if he could just lean in and steal a quick kiss from her oh so soft lips...

"You're one in a million, I swear no one will ever replace you. You're my best frie—"

"That's exactly it!" He exclaimed exasperated, jerking his head away quickly. "I'm you're goddamn best friend! _Best friend_! And I just, I just _can't_!" He sighed, agitated. Ally, taken aback patted his shoulder steadily.

"So what? Being my best friend isn't good enough for you?" She asked skeptically. She looked wounded, but she didn't even know how much she had wounded him. Austin shook his head. His heart pounded in his chest.

"No it isn't," he replied. His eyebrows furrowed with dangerous words threatening to spill from his lips.

"Care to explain?" She asked. Ally was now staring at him wearily. Maybe when this all blew over he could blame it on the alcohol. He took a deep breath, his fingers tightening on her hand. He knew this was wrong.

"Goddamnit," he mumbled quietly. "I'm in love with you!" He snapped, his heart beating in his chest so wildly. Ally's eyes widened instantly, her hand going slack in his grip.

She was at a loss for words, he was sure. The girl who never ran out of words to say was tongue tied. "Y-you, no. I-I. Austin, I-I, we can't!" She gasped out loud, freeing herself from him. "We just can't. I'm— I." She gasped for breath, fighting his hold on her. He tightened his grip on her again but she wriggled out of his grasp. He knew it was a dangerous things to say. But fuck, his heart was already torn in two by her.

"I-I. I just can't!" She cried, stuttering a little. She slipped free from his grasp, the slow song finishing. An upbeat song played in place of the absences of the calm, rhythmic beat. Ally quickly made her way away from him, walking fast in her black heels that matched her blue dress in its own way.

Austin followed her in pursuit. He grabbed her wrist gently, but she yanked her hand away. Goddamnit , if he weren't so head over heels for her.

"Ally wait!" He called. She looked over her shoulder as she exited the club. He didn't know why she was so upset with him. Ally's eyes glimmered sadly, tears threatening to spill from her beautiful brown eyes.

He got hit by an awful wave of déjà vu as she quickly made her way away from him. He ran a hand though his hair, trying to catch up to her. He needed to know why. Why was she running away from him? Why was he still in love with her? Why did he even try?

"I'm so sorry Austin," she told him before walking away from him even fast that before. He stood there, at a loss as he watched her silhouette fade down the street, disappearing into the night with his heart in her hand.

...

Friday came sooner than he wanted it to.

Ally had avoided him for the rest of the week; not returning his texts or calls. Or even opened the door when he stopped by her house to check up on her and see how she was holding up.

He moped around the entire week, wondering how in hell did he mess up his goddamn second chance. It slipped from his hands like glass and shattered all over the floor with just one wrong move. God, he was so stupid.

 _Blame it on the alcohol_ , he told himself. No matter how many times he had repeating that mantra, Austin had a hard time convincing himself of that. He knew he was fucking sober the entire time. He only drank water that night.

Austin sighed, finally deciding to check his phone for the time. He was watching a Zalien movie that was on his TV. He rubbed his tired eyes as he turned his phone on, staring at the numbers indicating the time. He blinked twice before realizing that it was almost time to bid Ally farewell.

As much as he knew she was still upset with him, he made a promise to send her off. A promise is a promise.

The blonde got up off the couch, stretching his legs in the process. He ruffled up his own hair with his hands before yawning. Austin sighed, finding his car keys on the small brown coffee table where he always left them. He was going to go send Ally off.

Ally.

Ally was leaving. Austin's mouth formed a hard line as he slammed the door to his house shut. It was nearly midnight; Ally's flight leaving at one. She was leaving, living in another state only visiting on holidays. It was going to be easier to push her out of his mind now.

That thought left him empty.

Austin hopped into his car, aware that he was still in pajamas. A pair of gray sweatpants matched with a simple white t-shirt. He started his car's engine before backing out of the lot, driving at a respectable speed in the neighbourhood.

As he merged onto the highway he thought back to their graduation night. Everything was so hazy yet he knew he was perfect sober the entire time. He was up all night after that. Austin just didn't understand why it bothered him so much when Ally turned him down again. She always dropped hints that they were only ever going to be _best friends_.

He tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

And yet, he always found new opportunities to convince himself that _that_ was the moment that Ally would finally see things from his point of view. Or maybe she had already moved on. Maybe she just didn't feel the same way he did, so she was moving on. Moving. Moving on and away to another state.

She was going to find someone else. It's only for the better that he moved on. If she can, than he should be able to as well. She was going to find someone else that she felt connected with just as much. He could already imagine her shinning face smiling as she spun and danced around with someone else.

And then when it was all over they would lie down on her couch and watch movies and cuddle up next to each other. She would smile that lovely smile of hers, her eyes crinkling catching moonlight while someone ran a hand through her soft hair, pulling her closer.

He was breaking his own heart.

Austin parked his car in the underground parking lot before quickly making his way up the stairs inside the airport. He knew Ally was leaving soon. He had to say goodbye to her one last time before she was off.

Austin rushed hurriedly to one of the departure gates, pushing past a few peoples. Sorrys flew out of his mouth rapidly as he shoved past the people in his way. He needed to see her.

He was approaching the waiting area when he saw her. She was standing right outside the boarding gate, her eyebrows furrowed. He saw her sigh and turn around as she pulled her luggage behind her.

Austin was becoming short of breath from running. And maybe from the sight of her as well. "Ally wait!"

He swore he saw her stop for a bit before walking away even faster. He caught up to her in a few more strides. Austin grabbed her wrist gently before spinning her around to face him. She avoided his gaze as he locked his arms around her gently.

They were silent for a bit. He wasn't sure what to say.

"You came," she breathed. Austin was taken aback by the softness of her voice. He expected talking to a steel wall, pounding his fist on it to let him in.

"Of course I did. I promised you," he sighed back. Ally lifted her eyes to meet his. He noticed the way they sparkled lightly as it caught the light. That thought triggered his fantasy of cuddling with the small brunette in the moonlight. He swallowed nervously.

"You didn't have to come," Ally sighed. Austin looked at her incredulously. Ally shook her head, pushing him away from her. Austin frowned.

"What do you mean?" He asked. Ally stepped away from him, gripping the handle of her luggage so hard her knuckles turned white. Austin watched as she turned back around to face him. Her face was as hard as stone, giving nothing away of the emotions that she guarded in her heart.

"You didn't need to come. I was fine. It's not like I'm going to die or anything." Ally babbled on.

"But I promised you! You even asked if I wanted to come." He knew he struck her in a tough spot. Ally was the one who even prompted him to come. They talked about this. They were gonna do that cliche movie thing where they run in slow motion and hug and she was gonna leave and he was gonna go home and think about her.

They had the entire goddamned thing planned out.

He sighed.

"Austin, you don't have to keep doing this. You don't have to keep caring about me." Austin felt the words pierce through his heart. What the fuck was she talking about.

"What do you mean?" He repeated. He was completely lost. Ally sighed, playing with the ends of her hair.

"I just... You just can't be in love with me!" She cried out loud. "You can't, you can't, you can't! Austin we're best friends!"

That's what this was all about.

"What's the big deal about being best friends?" He snapped frustrated. He shaky hand through his unkempt hair. He was growing nervous from their conversation; nervous for where it's headed.

"Our friendship is the best thing that has ever happened to me. An-and you, you're doing all these things like hugging me and showing up here! And I'm feeling things that I totally shouldn't be. And then now you're here because you _care_ about me and I—"

Her breaths were coming out fast and choppy like she was hyperventilating, her eyes glistened. Austin held out his hand for her to stop. "Slow down, Ally."

"—I just can't return the feelings but you're making it _so_ hard to not. I mean I can't do this because I'm such a coward—"

Austin was growing concerned at his babbling best friend. He wanted to hold her in his arms and comfort her and whisper paradise into her hair. He wanted to feel her touch and the light kisses she would put onto his jaw. He wanted to warm her up and sweep her away into oblivion for a while. Anything to stop the tears that he had began to see fall from her eyes.

It tore him apart to see her cry.

"— _such_ a coward! Because our friendship means the world to me and I just—"

Austin had enough of her pointless rant. He took all the steps he needed to reach her before wrapping his arms tightly around her, burying his head into her soft brown hair. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay. It's alright."

For an instant, he thought that she really believed him, and that she would stop and let him hug her until she had to leave. It was the way her body caved into his touch that it almost fooled even him. But then she jerked backwards out of his grasp.

"That's exactly _it_! It's not okay. Stop doing that!" Ally snapped at him. He could see how the tears in her eyes were blurring her vision. Austin wanted to wipe those goddamned tears out of her eyes with his thumbs.

Ally crossed her arms over her chest before returning them to her luggage.

"Stop doing what? Caring for you? I'm sorry!" He finally snapped. He couldn't take it anymore. He stepped closer to her, his heart and mind were fucking intoxicated by her.

Austin saw Ally's breath hitch as he lowered his head to stare into her eyes, their noses almost touching. "You're always on my mind, you know?" His breathing grew heavy; he could feel his heart hammering in his chest, ringing in his ears. His palms grew clammy. "And then my mouth accidentally slipped and suddenly you're a million miles away from me."

Ally stared back at him, her confidence wavering for a second. They were silent for a bit before she lowered her head. "My flight is about to take off."

Austin stared at her before she stepped away. He couldn't let her leave! Not yet, at least. He grabbed her wrist as she turned away from him. Austin spun her around before caging her into his embrace again.

"Austin! Let me go!" She cried. Ally pounded on his chest. Austin refused to give in. She was being immature; but goddamnit if he wasn't so infatuated by her.

Austin sighed, letting her feeble attempts quicken. "I can't."

That must have been the last straw for Ally because she broke into hysterical tears. She stopped pounding at his chest and slumped against him, crying her eyes out. Austin held her up, wondering if this was that time of month for her where her emotions were just flat out haywire.

"Stop it! Stop it! Let me go! Jus-just... I thought that once I'd leave it would be easier to get you off my mind," Ally said with shaky breaths. "I thought I would be able to push you out of my mind completely, because god Austin, you drive me insane!"

Austin searched her eyes, trying to figure her out. She was still such an enigma to him; her quixotic behaviour confusing him even more.

"I can let go," he said after a pause, his voice cracking along with his heart. Ally stared at him through her tear-filled eyes. He gripped her shoulders, making her stare into his eyes. "Just say it. Say it and I'll be off. I can let go if you don't love me."

Austin waited as the tension in the air thickened. Everything seemed to slow as he saw the gears shift in Ally's head. He could let go. He can convince himself to let her go. She deserved so much better than him. He had to let her live.

And yet, he felt so empty when the words left his mouth. If she chose to leave him, he would just have to live with it. He wanted the best for her. Austin wanted her to be happy. Her happiness meant the world to him.

"I'm sorry, Austin," Ally sighed softly. Austin felt his stomach drop. She was leaving. She was leaving him for good. "I'm so sorry you can't let go. I'm so sorry. I-I love you."

He felt his knees buckle a little, his entire body going numb.

He searched for the right words to use. For any words to use. He saw the tears slip from Ally's eyes once again before he pulled her into his chest where she cried once again, burying her face into his chest.

"I'm so afraid, Austin. I'm so afraid to love you. I'm so afraid I won't be able to give you what you want. I'm so afraid to ruin our friendship. I'm so—"

God, she talked so much. Austin lifted her chin with one hand before staring into her eyes and pressing his mouth to hers. It was a hungry passion. He hadn't kissed her in so long; and god it felt so good.

Ally's self-restraint crumpled right then and there. She kissed him back with as much passion and love kept locked up in her heart. They fell into an urgent pace as they realize that her flight was leaving soon.

"Shh. It's okay. We'll make it work. I promise." Austin sighed into her hair. It smelled so nice, and it was so soft. She was so soft. "Fears make you stronger." He wiped her tears away with his thumb. "We're going to make it work okay? You and me."

"I'm so sorry I left you the first time. I was just so scared that I was going to ruin everything. I love you, Austin. I really do. I'm just so confused—" Austin pressed his mouth to hers gently again, comforting her silently.

"Shut up and kiss me before you leave."

Ally complied.

When they finally heard the last call for Ally's flight they broke apart, both flushed and outdone. Ally looked up at him, a small smile played on her lips. Although he knew she was still just a little sad. They were going to make it work.

Ally held onto his hand as she took a last glance at him. She bit her lip adorably before turning her head around. "I guess I'll see you at Thanksgiving?"

"You mean over Skype the second you land in New York?" He asked. Ally rolled her eyes at him. He tightened his grip on her small hand pulling her towards him for one last hug. He whispered goodbye into her hair before pulling away.

"I guess this is goodbye," she said. Austin held her gaze.

"I'm still kinda in love with you," he blurted out before he could stop himself. He just couldn't keep it to himself anymore. It might have been too soon but he saw the small smile tugging at the corner of Ally's lips. She gave him another hug.

"I love you, too," he heard her whisper. "I'm glad you're still kinda in love with me." He smiled. "I'm still kinda in love with you too," Ally said as she pulled away.

Ally began walking towards her flight gate. He watched her until she disappeared around the corner. A small smile danced on his lips. He couldn't keep it from growing. They were going to make it work.

They were going to make it work.

* * *

 **This drabble got so out of hand, geez. I didn't even know where I wanted to take this most of the time, ahhh. It's kind of edited so excuse any mistakes. It felt good to write again after a while.**

 **Okay, I hope you enjoyed this! Please leave a review and tell me what you think!**


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